Reaching "I'm Good" In Fashion

Getting to the Elusive State of Happiness with Your Wardrobe

Last week,

Irene Kim (김애린)

posted an insightful preface to her as usually excellent newsletter:

More recently, however, I’ve had a different answer, one that I’ve been hesitant to express openly because it has brought on a serious case of cognitive dissonance: for the last, say, six months, I’ve had very little desire, and have even been adverse to buying anything for myself.

My sentiment echoed that of many readers: What? I wish I could have that too! This feels so good, settled, and at peace.

Hey Mrs. Solomon on Style

interviewed Irene about such an unusual feeling in the Instagram/fashion flywheel, resulting in a very insightful interview:

Touching on what I wrote above, as with so many things in life, once you’ve experienced something, subsequent exposures become less stimulating. I’m constantly exposed to clothes so it’s become harder to “wow” me. Few things truly feel “new” enough (despite being in-season) that I don’t have a version of it from the past or can’t source something similar on the second-hand market. Rising prices and a corresponding drop in quality is certainly a factor. If it’s off the runway, I basically assume a) I can’t afford it, or b) it’s not sensible for me to buy it. Shopping used to be on all my travel itineraries, but now – unless it’s for work – I actually try to keep it off my itinerary so I can explore other aspects of where I am. A part of the reason is that I’m shopping every other day of the year so my vacation is break from that. But another part of it is that, these days, so many of the shopping experiences around the world are actually very similar. You’re seeing the same stores, same brands, and often, it’s available to view and order online.

You can read the full interview here.

I’ve been thinking about this sentiment myself, wishing that this state of peace would come to me at some point. And then I realized - I have achieved a similar equilibrium in another area - makeup and skincare.

In my makeup journey, which I started similarly to my style explorations, I set out “to figure out makeup.” I went to a makeup course, but after learning to blend orange and green eyeshadows, I realized that the aesthetics of the instructor were not for me. I then searched for a more natural-look instructor who happened to be one of the top makeup artists in the country and took a professional makeup artist course organized by her studio. During this course, I learned about the best products, colors, and the like, built my makeup bag, and have been buying the same products, mostly Jane Iredale, for the past eight years.

An associative example of the said aesthetic, courtesy of AI

I also learned what it really takes to become a professional-level makeup artist, including thousands of cat eyes done and tuning your skill to perfection. In order to achieve mastery, there was a long way to go - and I decided learning how to be a good casual makeup user is good enough, without going to the next level, and, yes, I’m good.

When it comes to makeup, I am absolutely immune to any Instagram antics to buy something new. Despite thousands of TikTok videos saying otherwise, I feel like I have all I need that works really well for me and have no need to get anything new, experiment, or the like. I might switch a lipstick here and there, but an endless overhaul of my makeup bag? Not for me. I even have a skincare group chat with my friends, who share their discoveries and recommend products. Me? I am just immune to that, and very happy about it.

Am I missing out on something? Possibly. However, the peace of mind is worth so much more. Just like Irene said, I’m good.

So what makes it different with style?

First of all, I feel I am still searching. I feel like I have good elements of style but have not yet fully figured out a style that is both interesting but also unfussy and simple enough for my daily life, at my price point, and that fits my body well. Therefore, it feels I still need to experiment, try, and test different things to figure it out.

Secondly, it feels a bit like an addictive game - it is interesting to constantly hunt for that outfit, experiment, and try things out. With every purchase, there is this hit of dopamine to see how it will work out this time. These dopamine hits are addictive, and I feel like whenever I am bored, stressed, or otherwise uneasy, I go strategize with my outfits and plan new purchases, or just simply start shopping. Since I usually do not have access to my wardrobe when I am on the go, I mostly start looking for things to buy or get inspired by.

I also do not feel that I know very well what fits me. I have some signs, but with weight fluctuations as well as the messaging ranging between “wear something that works for your shape” to “wear anything the f* you want,” I have not determined where I stand on this.

Thirdly, in makeup, I found an expert whose taste I fully trusted (note: taste, not skill - there are many makeup artists with great skill but very different styles). In style, I have not. You could say that it is Amy Smilovic - who is a great teacher via her style classes - but not everything works for me. However, I have not yet had a similar course or advanced training in style (to be honest, I do not know a good styling course with a Tibisque aesthetic that would also not try to sell me a product - but I have not searched for it either).

I do feel glimpses of “I’m good” in fashion here and there. For example, I love summer shoes but prefer to have a smaller number of them - if I have too many, I struggle to pack them for vacation, so I much prefer to have 3-5 different sandals that I can play around with and not feel like I am missing out wearing some of them during a season. Hopefully, over time, this will propagate to the rest of my wardrobe.

So how can we get closer to the elusive “I’m good” in personal style? Here are my thoughts that I will try to bring into action:

1. Look for your signature style, not for replicating the next influencer outfit. Signature style, by definition, means that it will be repeated constantly, and you will always stay true to yourself. This makes you more immune to different outside influences and reduces the endless shopping cycle.

2. Center your thinking around what you have in your wardrobe. Sometimes when I shop, I even forget that I have something similar in my wardrobe. My wardrobe is at home, while shopping apps, phone, and computer are always at my fingertips, so I have to make an extra effort to bring the thinking back to my wardrobe instead of the recent excellent Instagram outfit.

3. Do not seek the perfect wardrobe so you can relax. Embrace that the wardrobe will always be a work in progress, and you may always need or want to refresh it. I sometimes feel that I need to figure it out, a.k.a. acquire all the outfits I want, and then I will be at peace. But usually, I just start wishing for another thing right after. I found that this is probably that dopamine-fueled addiction because when you truly need something, you feel satiated after you get it. Nevertheless, the craving for a fully figured out wardrobe can be misleading, as style, like many other things in life, is an endless process.

4. Decide on the level of mastery you want to achieve. Do you want to style runway looks? Become a fashion influencer? Make it to the best-dressed lists? This is fine, but the price for this level of mastery is years and years of intense practice, learning, and experimentation. Alternatively, if you want to feel good about your looks and get dressed easily in the morning, you may need to learn just a few key principles and understand what pieces form the core of your wardrobe that define your style - and that’s it!

5. Find a teacher with the taste and aesthetic that you like. My biggest fears about taking a style course are 1) that the person teaching will explain how to match florals and create an hourglass shape with a belt, giving me the wrong aesthetic as an instruction; and 2) that the person will have a model-like body with no curves and will not understand my issues where certain pieces just do not work for a certain body shape. Granted, both of these fears might be misguided, and I have not really looked for any fundamental course in style. However, I might start to look for something like that little by little, as when I look back to my makeup story, this was the key ingredient to “I’m good” success.

Anyway, these are my thoughts, and hopefully, there will be a time when I can get to “I’m good” with style too :) Please share how you are thinking about this topic in the comments!