Personal Style Is About Saying "No"

Constraints Are Indeed a Blessing in Disguise

I used to envy women who had the kind of body that could seemingly wear anything - baggy jeans? Yes. Skinny jeans? Yes. Oversized pieces, mini skirts? All yes. Meanwhile, I had to actually try things on to see whether they worked on me. One unusual cut - too low, too high - and the whole outfit looked off.

Over time, though, I began to embrace the constraints. I realized that those very constraints are what make us truly personal and special. If you look at any strong brand, what sets it apart isn’t saying yes to everything - it’s saying no. No to aesthetics, ideas, partnerships, and trends that don’t serve its core. Through elimination, they define who they are.

I’ve started to really embrace that power of “no.” And how all those nos, combined, can create an incredibly distinctive and personal style.

“No” Based on Your Aesthetic

In the conversation around personal style, aesthetic “no’s” dominate. We scroll Pinterest boards endlessly searching for that elusive perfect style that will finally pull everything together. Honestly, this is probably the easiest - and most talked about -part of the style journey.

Some of the more popular aesthetic tools include:

• The Three-Word Method by

  Allison Bornstein
  : a framework to distill your style into three guiding words.

• Chill Modern Classic (CMC) and Modifiers by

  Amy smilovic
  / Tibi: CMC is the core, and everyone brings their own twist - expressed as a "modifier."

I haven’t quite nailed down my three words or my modifier with 100% confidence. I thought my modifier was “simple”, but now I’m not so sure. It’s definitely evolving.

“No” Based on Your Body Type

In many fashion circles, this topic is less popular - and somewhat controversial. On one hand, the prevailing belief is that you should be able to wear anything you want. On the other hand, I personally feel best in pieces that suit my body type.

There are some methodologies, like the Kibbe test, but they tend to be disconnected from aesthetic frameworks. As a result, you often get either aesthetic-based recommendations with no regard for body type, or body type-based recommendations that ignore aesthetics (if I followed those, I’d be wearing only wrap dresses - which is definitely not my style).

There are tools, like:

• Kibbe Test: An in-depth system that considers height, proportion, and body lines/curves.

• Color Analysis: Categorizes you into Spring, Summer, Autumn, or Winter and suggests colors that harmonize with your skin, eyes, and hair.

• Fruit Theory: A basic (but popular) approach dividing bodies into apple, pear, hourglass, and rectangle shapes.

To be honest, these systems all have their fans and skeptics. Some swear by color analysis, others dismiss it as overhyped - suggesting you simply avoid colors that wash you out. Personally, I’m often classified as Autumn, but Spring or Summer seems more accurate - Autumn colors look terrible on me.

Body type systems are even more hotly debated. Perhaps because for years, women were told to dress in “flattering” (read: slimming) ways, the backlash now avoids that conversation entirely. But I still find that wearing clothes that complement my proportions makes a huge difference. Doing the Kibbe test helped me understand why pieces made for petite gamine types never worked for me.

“No” Based on Your Budget

Saying no due to budget leads to one of two places: buying fewer pieces or shopping second-hand. And ironically, this often results in a more defined personal style. Fewer clothes mean each piece has to earn its place - and that naturally reinforces outfit repetition, which is the foundation of a signature style. A more extreme version of it is a no-buy - and you can see how distinct

Harriet Hadfield

’s style is - consider that she also did a one year no-buy.

A limited budget can be a hidden gift. It forces you to prioritize and invest only in what matters. Alternatively, you might rotate second-hand finds, experiment with rentals, or (sigh) dabble in fast fashion - though that tends to skew your wardrobe toward neutrals, since fast fashion often looks most bearable in those tones. Whatever route you take, your budget decisions directly shape your uniform.

“No” Based on Your Lifestyle

This one’s tricky. We’ve all bought the stunning dress that never fits our WFH or kid-focused life. A dress lover ends up in sweatpants. A maximalist spends days in leggings. But this constraint can spark creativity - finding ways to infuse your real life with your style, rather than dressing for a fantasy life.

If you love theater and are home with a toddler, it’s not ideal - but you might end up styling theatrical blouses with jeans or finding new purpose for an old piece. This kind of friction is where creative wardrobes are born.

“No” Based on Your Comfort

Comfort is one boundary that is non-negotiable. I no longer wear high heels - I go for flats or a low block heel. I can’t stand sweaty, synthetic materials (sorry Tibi Powder Nylon). I avoid anything too tight on the waist - it makes me bloat. Oddly enough, I don’t mind itchy sweaters; wool is fine by me. You probably have your own dealbreakers.

And those dealbreakers shape your style more than you might realize.

In the end, personal style isn’t just about what you say yes to - it’s about what you say no to. Aesthetic. Body type. Budget. Lifestyle. Comfort. Each “no” sharpens your point of view. And when enough of those “no’s” accumulate, what’s left is something rare: clarity.